


Blue Eyes and Broken Hearts

by HeyAssButt2009



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Always a third wheel, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Dean is a dick but makes up for it, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel Needs a Hug (Supernatural), Crying Castiel, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean gives Cas gifts to try and make up for his shitty attitude, Interrupting Sam Winchester, M/M, Mentions of the Empty, Or Three, Sad Castiel, Spoiler alert if you haven’t caught up with supernatural, but realizes he shouldn’t forgive Dean so easily, or two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:00:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23064376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyAssButt2009/pseuds/HeyAssButt2009
Summary: Castiel wonders, not for the first time, if the Winchester’s will really miss him when he’s gone. Good thing Dean is there to remind Cas that he's family, no matter what.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 107





	Blue Eyes and Broken Hearts

“Sam, Dean.” Castiel says as he enters the bunker. “I found a case.”  _ Not that they’d actually want to go with you _ , Cas thinks. 

The Winchester brothers are off doing more important things, Cas realized. 

Even though Dean had forgiven him for the death of Mary, and had prayed to Cas when they went to purgatory for the  _ second _ time, Cas knew Dean wasn’t ready to fully forgive him. Not really. Even if Dean said so, he wasn’t. 

Dean had only prayed to Cas that time because Cas knew Dean would feel frustrated. He hadn’t managed to grab the leviathan blossom like Cas had, even if Cas had to fight and run away from a bunch of leviathans to do it. 

But when Dean had found Cas, bloody and exhausted, sitting on a random tree, Cas couldn’t help but sigh in relief that it was his once-best friend and not a monster. Cas just got up, feeling tired and grace-drained, that when Dean smiled and softly said “Cas.”, he hadn't cared and just held up the blossom. 

“Cas, you did it.” He said and embraced Cas. Perhaps it was because he was tired, or perhaps it was because Dean had said ‘you’ and not ‘we’, that it had Cas melting into Deans embrace for a couple of seconds before pushing away. 

Dean could forgive Cas, but that did not mean Cas could forgive Dean. 

It wasn’t Cas’s fault that Mary had died, not really, but he couldn’t deny that he had a part in it. Just like Sam and Dean did.

He just wanted Jack back so bad, his baby boy, that the pain was nearly excruciating and Cas was afraid that he’d lose him forever. So he had made that stupid deal with the Empty. 

And now he could never truly be happy or he would get sent away too. 

And he didn’t want that. Jack was finally back, no matter how screwed up it might be that he was working with Billie. 

And Cas was so  _ happy.  _ He was so so happy to have this baby boy back. So then why was he still here, and not with the Empty? What was holding him back? 

He wandered around the bunker until he stopped at the wooden table. The one that had Sam and Dean’s initials carved into it. 

_ S.W. _

_ D.W.  _

Upon further inspection, he realizes that there’s another set of initials adorning theirs. 

_ M.W. _

For the late Mary Winchester, Castiel thinks. 

Tears welled up in his eyes, and for a moment, a selfish part of him wonders where his initials are, and where are Jacks. 

Castiel is no hero, but he thinks Jack's memory should’ve deserved to be honored too. Even if Cas was the only one to miss him. Even if he is back now. It still feels like he’s missing. Like he’s dead. And Belphegor ruined everything for everybody. For Rowena….

Maybe Sam and Dean missed Jack too. He didn’t know. They hid their emotions well. Cas had learned from the best after all.

After Dean had yelled at him, and Sam had just watched, Cas decided the best thing he could do was walk away. 

_ “The plan changed Dean, you know this, something goes wrong. Something always goes wrong.”  _

_ “Yeah and why does that something always have to be you?”  _

No one was really listening, and no one really cared. 

_ “If he did something to her, if she’s really...then you’re dead to me.”  _

Cas closed his eyes and thought back to the last time he died. When he was stabbed by Lucifer and awoken in the Empty. 

Didn’t Dean miss him? He had hugged Cas so tight and hadn’t let go for the longest. He remembered Sam saying to Cas how Dean had acted when he had died. 

Perhaps it was all a fever dream by now. 

_ “Yeah, you can die. And they didn’t even seem to think twice.” _

He walked away from the table and sat down in a chair, awaiting for the brothers arrival. 

Two hours, thirty-seven minutes and fourteen point five seconds had passed when the door to the bunker opened. He heard the thumping of the brothers shoes as they made their way downstairs. 

He heard Sam complaining about Dean shoving fatty-carbs down his throat followed by a “suck it Sammy I can do whatever the fuck I want.” Followed by rustling paper.

“Cas.” He heard Sam day and he opened his eyes, not realizing he had closed them. “Were you sleeping?” He questioned frowning. 

“No.” Cas lies. “I was testing the angel radio.” He sees Sam nod his head, like he doesn’t believe him but he doesn’t ask Cas to tell him the truth. 

So Cas doesn’t. 

“Cas.” Dean says around a mouthful of food before swallowing. Cas can no longer hear Dean gulp. He used to be able to hear anything the brothers used to do like a gunshot going off, but now it just feels as if someone had a silencer. 

“I got you this.” Dean says shyly and slides over a poorly wrapped gift to him. Cas glances up at Dean's face, which turns a shade of pink before glancing away. Cas glances around the room, and notices Sam has left. And Cas hadn’t even noticed. 

He unwraps the gift, with Dean staring daggers through him. Everyday that Cas comes, Dean has a gift. They range from bee socks to Netflix subscription cards.

And Cas is thankful, really he is. But Dean is trying to buy his affection back, rather than addressing the elephant in the room. Cas sighs, he doesn’t know why things would change. They never have for the eleven years he’s known Dean. 

He tears the last bit of paper off and just stares at the gift. And he stares and stares and stares. He doesn’t realize he’s been staring at the gift for so long that Dean clears his throat. 

“Do you….like it?” Dean questions, rubbing at the back of his neck with his hand. “I can take it back if you don’t want it.” He says and goes to reach for the gift, only to have Cas pull away. 

“It’s a gift,” Cas says “I keep those.” 

He felt the cassette tape weigh heavy in his trench coat pocket. 

He watched Dean smile. “Yeah, okay.” He said, scrubbing a hand over his face before taking a seat in front of Cas. 

He glanced around the room as if checking for monsters, then leaned in close to Cas, his green eyes boring into Cas’s blue. 

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.” He told Cas. Cas blinked. “I know you didn’t want me to say anything in purgatory because we didn’t have time.” 

Cas didn’t want him to say anything in Purgatory because he didn’t want to hear it. 

“But Cas, you’re family, no matter what. And I shouldn’t have been mad at you for mom. You were just  _ there _ and it was wrong of me to take it out on you because I knew you wouldn’t fight back. And you can forgive me on your own time but Cas…” 

“Cas I lo-appreciate you so much. You’ve done everything we’ve ever asked for and we’ve never even thanked you. Gosh, I’m so sorry Cas.” 

Cas should’ve known he couldn’t have been mad at Dean Winchester long. He puts down his gift and grabs one of Deans hands that are resting on the table. Dean looks close to tears and that sight alone pulls on Cas’s heartstrings despite his every protest.

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas says and he really means it. “I don’t fully forgive you yet, but that apology goes a long way.” 

He tries to give Dean a big smile, but it feels forgein on his face and he wonders if Dean can tell how tired he is. 

If Dean does, he doesn’t show it. He just squeezes Cas hand that's intertwined in his a little tighter. 

Cas doesn’t know how long they sit like that. Their hands intertwined and eyes exploring every inch of each other’s face. 

His eyes begin to droop and he almost falls asleep when he hears Dean sniffle and then ask “What are you gonna do with your gift?” 

Cas looks down at the gift and smiles, knowing exactly where it would go later. 

“I didn’t have a picture of all of us, so I just drew one.” Dean chuckled. “It’s kind of bad though, I’m not going to lie.” 

Cas just keeps staring at the picture. It’s hand drawn, like Dean said, but it’s all four of them. As stick figures, but it’s him, Sam, Dean and Jack. Cas couldn’t be happier. 

He examines the picture, takes in every line and curve of the crayons Dean used. He looks at Sam first. Deans drawn him super tall, with really long brown hair flowing down all the way to the ground and wearing a checkered shirt. Cas laughs a little at the uncanny resemblance. 

He looks at Dean next. Not nearly as tall as giant Sam, just barely reaching over Sam's shoulders. He looks at the light brown military cut style hair the real Dean has given him. His crayon green eyes seem to wink at him and Cas laughs out loud when he realizes Stick-Dean has poorly drawn bowlegs.

“Sam told me to do that.” Dean says, impossibly close to Cas’s ear. Cas didn’t even know Dean had let go of his hand to sit next to him. Cas seems to not know a lot these days. 

Cas nods, then goes to look at himself in the picture. He seems to be drawn neater than Stick Sam and Dean. Like the real Dean had sat down and paid him with a little more attention and care than he did drawing him and his brother. 

Cas feels his heartbeat flutter in his chest for an unknown reason. 

Stick Castiel is a little bit shorter than Dean. Not by a lot but by enough where it’s really noticeable. Just like the real thing. His black hair and blue eyes look neater than Sam and Deans. And his trench coat looks nearly identical to the one he’s wearing now, despite being badly drawn. 

He glances at Dean before smiling and moving onto the last one.

Jack. 

Stick Jack looks like he was drawn with care too, if not more and that makes Cas’s throat clench with an unknown emotion. His hair is neatly styled and he’s wearing the traditional Winchester outfit, a flannel. 

But the note below makes Cas feel something he’s never felt before. 

_ ‘To Jack, our son.’  _ It reads. 

Cas feels a hand on his shoulder, and a finger swipe at his face. “Hey, why are you crying?” Dean asks and Cas turns away from him. 

“I’m not.” He says pathetically. “You are.” He wipes his face on his coat sleeve and notices it comes away wet. Cas can’t remember the last time he cried like this, perhaps when Naomi tortured him and made him kill thousands of Deans. 

He doesn’t know why he’s crying, perhaps it’s the part because Dean gave him such a thoughtful gift and not another store bought item. Perhaps it’s because he’s tired. Perhaps it’s the way Deans written ‘OUR son’, like after everything’s that happened, Dean still claims Jack. Still loves him. 

Perhaps he’ll never find out why but he’s crying anyways. He wonders if he’ll ever stop. 

He feels his chair being shifted, and then he feels the warmth of fabric and realizes that Dean is hugging him. Deans running a hand through his hair and whispering calming things to get him to calm down. 

“I’m so sorry Cas.” 

“You’re family.” 

“You and Jack can stay.” 

“You can be mad at me forever, just please don’t leave me.” 

Dean utters more phrases, but Cas can’t hear him. His head hurts and his nose is runny and he accidentally wipes it on Deans shirt and the action makes him cry all over again. 

“Hey it’s okay.” 

“It’s just a shirt.” 

“You can ruin all my shirts, just please don’t be sad.” 

“I care about you, Cas.”

He feels Dean press a gentle kiss to the crown of his temple and his breathing evens out. After a while, he releases his grip on Deans shirt, which is now wrinkled and covered in Cas’s tears and snot. 

He looks up at Dean and opens his mouth. To apologize or something. When Dean beats him to it. 

“Was my gift that ugly that it made you cry?” He questions and Castiel laughs. And he laughs until his stomach hurts. It wasn’t that funny of a joke, one of Deans lame ones. 

But he doesn’t want to talk about it right now. He doesn’t know why he cried like that. And he’s pretty sure Dean doesn’t want to talk about it either. 

So he looks up at Dean and after a split decision, kisses him. 

He kisses him because there are two ways this can turn out. 

One, Dean can kiss back and he and Cas can fall in love and the Empty will be no big threat to Cas cause Chuck is still out there, lurking and waiting for them to find him. 

Two, Dean can shove him away. Call Cas disgusting and rip up the picture he gave him. And the Empty will be no threat to Cas, because Dean wants nothing to do with him anymore. 

Dean seems to go with number one, holding Cas tight and responding back to the kiss in the same desperation Cas is. 

They’re so wrapped up in each other that they don’t even notice Sam walk in the room and quickly walk out.

“This doesn’t mean I forgive you.” Cas says against Dean's lips. 

“I didn’t think it did.” Dean says and then pulls back from Cas. “Take your time to heal.” He says. “I’ll be here.” He says. 

Cas still doesn’t forgive him, but he’s starting too.

*************

“Guys I’m home.” Sam says from returning to the grocery store after booking it when he saw his older brother and the angel embracing in the bunker. 

This wasn’t the first time he caught them having moments and he’s sure it isn’t the last.

He goes to shut the door but notices something on it he hadn’t before. It’s the picture that Dean drew for Cas at the Diner they were at not too long ago. 

_ “Do you think Cas will be home?” Dean questioned Sam hesitantly, fidgeting with the straw paper on the table.  _

“ _ I don’t know.” Sam said. “Why?” He looked over at his brother who had blushed and mumbled under his breath.  _

_ “I need to buy him a present before we leave.” He says like a pouting child and Sam grins.  _

_ “Dude, Cas doesn’t like all those store bought things.” He said and Deans head shot up to meet his.  _

_ “He doesn’t?” Questions his older brother and Sam rolls his eyes. His brother is really dense sometimes.  _

_ “Cas likes things from the heart.” Sam says. “They got to have meaning now, to show you put extra thought into it.” That’s what the magazine Sam had read said anyways.  _

_ Dean ponders this over for a few seconds. “Like what?” He questions and Sam sighs.  _

_ “I don’t know.” Sam says tiredly. “Draw him a picture or something.” He’s only halfway joking, but Dean's eyes get wide like he has an awesome idea and before Sam can stop him, Dean flags down a waitress and asks for paper and crayons.  _

_ When she returns, Dean gets to drawing and Sam waits for over an hour before Dean is finished.  _

_ “Give him bow legs.” Says Sam leaning over to look at it and Dean snorts before doing what his brother said.  _

_ He holds out the paper to Sam a little while later and says in an over exaggerated French voice “Viola.”  _

_ “He’ll love it Dean.” Sam exclaims, smiling before handing the paper back to his brother. “Can we go now?”  _

Sam smiles at the memory, then goes back inside the Bunker, closing the door on his way in. 

**Author's Note:**

> It’s like 5 a.m. but I just miss the show sm and had to write something for it! Enjoy and feel free to comment and leave kudos!


End file.
